>:] circuitBeta

People are left to make what they will with the pains put upon them.

Pain is rather interesting to think about, because its not always bad and its opposite, pleasure, is not always good. Maybe they are not opposites but more like vectors representing the same stimulus in different directions, where the direction is influenced by your mind. For example a pleasure can wear out its welcome, become annoying, and then suddenly your mind has turned a pleasure into a pain. So if its all in your head why wouldn’t you turn every pain into a pleasure?

Makes me wonder about what drives people, is it to embrace pleasure or to avoid pain? Why do you act the way you do? Am I writing this for the pleasure of exploring thought or am I filling time to evade a pain? I can say both enter my mind so I must be influenced by them both as well.

A friend of mine told me about her run over the weekend, it was great for her but it was great for me too! Who can’t help but be excited when the people around you are feeling good for all the right reasons. That could be a whole other post unto itself.

I bought some running shoes a couple of months ago and used them once. I think they maybe the first white shoes I have owned in my life, the color makes my 10 1/2 sized shoe (shameless gift idea) seems so big and move so fast. My first run went as expected, half walking, half running, lots of heavy breathing. Since then I have been wanting to go again and time myself to get a reading on what I can run a mile in. I ended up with time to myself tonight, so on went my shoes and to the track I drove, a half mile away from my house (haha). I stretched, started my stopwatch, took off running, and 7 minutes 32 seconds later I completed a mile!

It felt Great!

Thanks!

Yesterday I asked a question and received an answer.
The inside me hurt.
The outside me played along.

Can it be a lie if everyone believes?

Today I asked a question and received an answer.
The inside me saw hope in reason.
The outside me smiled.

If no one sees anything wrong, then how can anyone say its wrong.

Now I ask a question of myself
The inside me wrestles with itself, tears at itself, feeds on itself.
The outside me comes out of a stare with that realization.

I’m self fed.

I watched the movie 300 tonight. I thought the first half of the movie was sexy, casual flesh everywhere, the King and Queen getting down to business, and the out of control red haired oracle, I felt a little weak. The second half was action packed, I figured after the first wave of slaughtered Persians the King still had over 200 muscles he had not flexed yet, Leonidas was pretty much set for @ least a few more waves of Persians. Overall it was good, and I say that because I enjoyed myself while watching it, but if I didn’t have anyone to make the occasional comment too I don’t think it would have been so much so.

When leaving the theater I took a different road, which then had a detour, that I ignored and went another way. My way of injecting something random in my life. Any more its not even a thought, I just start doing the things I wouldn’t normally do. If something different happens maybe I’ll see something new, or as with the music, find something old. I began to think about how this road would get me home, maybe not as fast as another road but eventually I would get there. What about being Pope? Maybe my life isn’t on the most direct path to that either, but I am white and probably will be old one day, so I’ve a got shot.

When the absurd falls short of being humorous what does it become?

I read a review for this book in a local paper, The Entertainer, and it sounded interesting. I couldn’t find the book here but did find it in a store named Boarders, in Maryland @ the Montgomery Mall. I remember the girl who directed me to the book, she looked to be impressing a boy with her art work of clothing designs, I remember because I was impressed as well.

The book is about a boy’s (Ronald L. Mallett) dream to make a time machine. A dream that has taken the author to the heights of science in pursuit of seeing his father again. At times it was difficult to read, because of the emotional links I found between the story and myself. As with many things, science is made of building blocks. What I saw was those blocks were not used exclusively to build new theories, some of those same blocks were instrumental in finding his wife, and healing his pain. Similar blocks can be found in you and I, when reading a book, meeting a friend, or smiling at a stranger. Its these shared blocks of knowledge that connects us to one another. If we couldn’t share these words there would be no meaning for you and no connection for us.

Knowledge connect thoughts and people, thoughts and people are not so different. After all you probably already have an idea of who I am, a concept of what I might say and do, you have a little me encapsulated in thought running around in your head. Good luck controlling that one.

Through out the book I was amazed, and pondered over how far people can go, how far I have come, and how short my measure. It left me wanting more. I thought of reading about things related to my work, but I wanted to know more of things I knew nothing about, Mr. Mallett wrote that he took an interest in philosophy. I then decided that I would go check out the philosophy section at Barnes & Noble to find my next book.

I constantly listening to music, even if it is just in my head. Below is a list of the last 7 CD’s I bought, along with my fav track from each.

• Juno Reactor: Odyssey 1992-2002: Rotoblade
• Holly Brook: Like Blood Like Honey: Saturdays
• Leather Strip: Yes - I’m Limited, Vol. II
• Crystal Method: Vegas: Comin’ Back
• Madonna: The Confessions Tour: Lucky Star (Live)
• That 1 Guy: Songs In The Key Of Beotch: One
• Kid Beyond: Amplivate: Wandering Star

I still buy CD’s, I don’t trust that iTune files have the same quality, plus there is the benefit of not having any DRM attached.

Some CD’s I buy and wonder why I didn’t buy them before. The music is like a renewed friendship or visiting an old residence, Comin’ Back, I cannot get enough of that song. Its a rush to kick back and wander through a place I didn’t know was forgotten. How many other places are there locked away inside of me waiting for a sound, a smell, or a touch to unlock them. I remember for a long time the air of fall gave me that rush, the feeling use to come around every year, but then one year it wasn’t there. Just the opposite of the music, something gone but not forgotten, something misplaced, something like a friend lost.

I was going to say that this was the start of something, but really the idea was the start and this is an experimental implementation of the something. The thought was to make a place where I could record some of the things I wrote.

I started reading recently and found myself making notes. They might seem rather random if your not me, in fact if you are me there is a chance that you have forgotten how to get back to that time/place where the thought made sense. Sometimes I get interesting thoughts in my head while having conversation with friends, though I have noticed its only certain friends. One commonality among them is a level of trust. It takes some amount of trust for me to be comfortable to explore certain ideas. I am just lame that way, and it is one reason I am not sure this will work. I don’t know you, how can I trust you? And if I don’t trust you, the things that are probably most interesting, maybe left in my head.