>:] circuitBeta

I get things in my head that are not complete. Ideas and topics I cannot reason out myself. Things I may never share because my footing is loose.

What makes someone comfortable saying one thing and not another? Rules? The rules of behavior, the constraints that filter and create the you which each of us sees. I say each of us, because like most people, I do and say things differently depending upon the situation and who is around. Different people seeing a different you. How many of you are there? Is there a new you with each friend you make? I think so but its not just because of these rules. After I see 3 of you, your a good friend, and after I see 5 we are the best of friends?

I’ve had the concept of your ’significant other’ being your ‘best friend’ grinding through my head. Its a crazy path of thought that branches out and encompasses relationships of all kinds. The paths quickly come back together into a state of confusion. I either don’t know enough about myself to figure it out, or there isn’t enough of me to figure it out. I tend to think it is the latter.

Who is more capable of providing solutions in regards to you than you? Its life experience that gives you the knowledge to think things out and explain them to yourself, and it is only you that sees things as you do. I then wonder about those who don’t trust themselves, and what of those who lie to themselves? They are not me. So I don’t have to think long before I realize what I say may only apply to me.

penetrates, bonds, fulfills, merges, kills, creates, and dominates. I was trying to think of what music couldn’t do and I came up w/ nothing but blanks ….

• Culture Beat - Serenity - Anything
• C+C Music Factory - Gonna Make You Sweat - Things That Make You Go Hmmmm?
• Crystal Waters - Storyteller - 100% Pure Love
• Maroon5 - It Won’t Be Soon Before Long - Little Of Your Time
• Serj Tankia - Elect the Dead
• Garbage - Absolute Garbage
• Depech Mode - Playing the Angel - A Pain That I’m Used To
• KMFDM - Tohuvabohu
• Stabbing Westward - Wither Blister Burn & Peel - ????
• White Zombie - La Sexorcisto- Devil Music Vol. 1 - Black Sunshine
• At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command - ????
• Gravity Kills - Perversion - Falling
• Madonna - Music - Impressive Instant (This album blows)
• Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero - Meet Your Master
• Nonpoint - Recoil - Broken Bones

I saw Orion for the first time this season, what was a moment became a year.

I saw the darkness fall for what looked like no reason, at that moment I could not be seen by anyone near.

Time felt as the wind blowing around me, while the night felt as a cloak surrounding me.

Both for a moment, though not at the same time or for the same length.

How long does a moment last?

It seems to start when you begin and ends when let go, but you can return back to then with a thought, and allow the moment to live again, so that you may remember that which you already know.

Can there ever be someone you tell everything too? Someone in your head like no one else except you. It sounds crazy to me, how could that someone ever understand what it is to be me.

To be who you are, is nothing like knowing what you are.

How much time would it take to bring it all in? How would someone such as myself begin?

Why would you do it? I am thinking of a choice, but for others it might just happen. A set of circumstances that lead to an end, an experience that takes flight simply with their voice.

This reminds me of something that happens everyday. To some degree its something we all do. Something I try to say every time I smile __ ____.

Is it a hollow thanks that is given, when it is in answer to something you cannot appreciate? Is this true for love? Can you love that which you cannot appreciate? If so, then it could be said that those who cannot appreciate anything, cannot feel thanks or love at its deepest. More of an empty thanks, an empty love.

What/Who do you appreciate?

Are you ready to love that which you do?

It felt wrong at first then it turned as my mind fell into a place it had not been. Its amazing how much can be seen, heard, and felt without ever leaving your home.

Can it be called temptation if it doesn’t leave you with the feeling that you are now missing something? If it happens enough will that which you miss, out weigh what you have? Is that the moment temptation wins? Temptation stares me down from time to time, I suppose that is why I am thinking about it, and why I know the answers are no, yes, and yes.

Biking was crazy fun today, going so fast we (Sean and I) were literally flying over parts of the trail with what seemed like little effort. Riding can be such a crazy feeling its so much better this year than any other. Its one of those things that fills you, but you never feel full. The feeling makes me think about how hunger effects goals, do goals come about through hunger?

I choose to stay hungry as my goal.

Though I don’t think you can choose such a thing, just as I couldn’t choose to end my hunger. Reminds me of sex and obviously food. These things do not seem to be choices as much as requirements to keep our bodies and minds in a balance. Balance, such a crazy word, if its all a balance then maybe hungers can be substituted for one another like variables in an equation. What I am missing in one part of my life being filled by another.

I knew if I kept poking at my brain I would end up at the obvious soon enough, it seems to always work out that way.

Later in the day my daughter was hungry, she wanted a big burger so I went to the only place near by I knew that had them, Ruff’s Giant Burgers, they seemed a lot smaller than I remember.

I have been traveling for work as of late, which is fun. I got to meet an old friend (Bridget) and meet some new people, including Angela the author. A-Train told me Rita’s water ice is da shit (I’m paraphrasing), he wasn’t foolin, I especially enjoyed the custard with water ice. Gives me something to look forward too next month

My brain hasn’t been entirely dead, things have been going through it but mostly into personal spaces. Something I suppose I could share was a thought about love and loneliness. Like love there are different forms of loneliness, one to match each form of love. Which ever it maybe, when one comes to you or leaves you it will forever leave its mark on who you are. Which leads to the obvious, the more love you know, the more you open yourself up to potential pain. A downer but the opposite must be true as well. These words read like rules to this game of life I play with everyone. I wish I had more control over the pieces.

Somethings are best said without words.

Enjoy what you see,
Embrace what you feel.